You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
