Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
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