I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
