he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
