after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
