The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
