She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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