so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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