I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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