even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
