Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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