my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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