i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
