Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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