i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
