Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
