really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Terrible idea I love it
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