I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Your penis caused this!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
