found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
