part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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