Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
