Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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