Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
