5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
