Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
