I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
