Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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