Got a toothbrush?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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