How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
