I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
