you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My feet surprised me
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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