I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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