dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
