when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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