please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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