Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
