my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Let's get the cat blown out
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
