She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
