I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
