Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
