I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
