i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
it's great music for shaving your balls
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
