Me. At least after what I've been through.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
