the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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