i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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