He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
