her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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