I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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