Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
