its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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