Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
